Disclaimer: This is a satirical column
My freshman year roommate frequently visited home. Since I had the room to myself, and was a recently dumped single freshman, I locked the door.
The following morning, I got breakfast with my recently single suitemate. His roommate was off visiting his future fiancé.
“I noticed your door was locked last night. Getting busy on Valentine’s Day, eh?” he asked me with suggestive undertones.
“No John, I had been crying,” I said.
This year, my senior year, is my first single Valentine’s since. With that being said, dating pressures at Samford are odd and extreme.
As soon as you start talking to someone at Samford, bridesmaids book wedding venues. These dating pressures make being single on Valentine’s Day at Samford a nightmare.
For most of the men at Samford, if there wasn’t such a favorable three-to-one ratio and a severe social bubble, our desirability wouldn’t exist.
I have missed out on dating a lot of women ‘out-my-league’ at Samford because fear led to inaction.
While dating pressures at Samford make it seem like if you aren’t engaged by graduation you’ll be alone forever, the solution isn’t to relieve that pressure — but instead, pile on more pressure.
Denmark has one of my favorite traditions ever. If you’re still single when you turn 25, your friends get to tie you up and cover you in cinnamon.
The origin of this tradition is that spice salesmen would stay single to pursue their career. It now serves to humorously shame singles, but more importantly, unite friends in silliness.
We should put a Samford spin on this tradition. This year, when Valentine’s Day rolls around, before you go out with your partner, find a single friend to cover with Caf food.
They’ll be more likely to find a partner because the embarrassment of public shame will outweigh the embarrassment of rejection.
Being included in the Valentine’s festivities will also decrease their loneliness. So, go find your local single friend and make sure they know they are loved by you.
Editor-in-Chief
