Disclaimer: This is a satirical column.
Some students are outraged by recent housing news that will require some upperclassmen women to live in freshmen housing. The freshmen housing in question includes the former freshman boys’ dorm Mountainview.
Another new housing rule will require students that are not 21 years or older will have to live on campus. Students are outraged.
They don’t want to have room checks anymore because they want to be real adults. They would rather move off campus so they can complain about parking in the morning.
Samford has a housing issue, but so does every campus. Samford’s true problem is its ungrateful students.
This is why I would like to propose a brand-new tent city placed between the law school library and Reid Chapel on that little green field that no one uses.
It is the perfect place because of the peculiar drainage issues that rendered that field eternally damp.
The students we would force to live there are any students that are complaining about living situations. So, if you overhear your friend complaining about having 3 roommates in Vail or black mold poisoning in Evergreen, just report them to reslife@samford.edu, and they can schedule their housing change.
After a few short days of outdoor time in the beautiful Samford tent city, they’ll realize how great life is at Samford and stop complaining.
If you like my proposal, send an email to your local SGA representative so we can get this enacted for fall of 2025.
Editor-in-Chief
