DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical column
We are at the point in the year where seasons are changing. The day starts out chilly and ends with a beating heat. Which means the wardrobe on campus is deplorable. The other day, I saw a girl in a coat and scarf talking to a guy in a tank top and jorts. No one knows whether they should dress for winter or spring, and it’s causing our student body to look like a hodgepodge of confused people about to feature on “What Not to Wear.”
I know you’re thinking, “Lola, Samford students aren’t necessarily known for having good style, why does it matter?”
Well frankly, our inconsistent wardrobe is embarrassing. Imagine these poor kids coming to take tours and seeing our dripless chaotic student body. How are they going to take us seriously when we do not dress seriously?
Our weak excuse for dressing keeps me up at night. However, I have a solution: uniforms!
By having Samford students wear uniforms, we tell the world that we mean business. No one can’t look fly in a school uniform. Don’t believe me? Allow me to remind you of Lady Bird, Dead Poets Society, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, The Princess Diaries — why, even LeBron James wore a uniform at his school.
It was uniforms that made those people cooler and better, and it is my belief that uniforms could have the same effect for Samford. The uniforms will create a vibe of superiority and coordination that other schools just cannot offer. Imagine how refreshing it would be to walk out to Ben Brown and see a sea of plaid skirts and khaki pants.
If you’re thinking, “Lola, how would we convince the resistant students to get on board?” I honestly don’t think it will be that hard, considering Samford guys all basically wear the same things and sorority girls are just itching to match (i.e. Alpha Delta Pi’s on rainy days). The problem here is not convincing: it is timing.
The longer we wait, the more people be turned away by the disgrace of wardrobe we have. If we play our cards right, we could have uniforms as a part of Samford’s rulebook by April.
I am sure by now that you fully agree that uniforms are our only option. To support the cause, tell your SGA representatives that you want these uniforms for the better! Change starts with us, don’t let anyone tell you it cannot be done.
